Bowdon Killer Bees 5 - Southport 1

14.45 and still no goal keeper. Sam, whatever his name is who plays in goal for the 3rds, has not shown up. He's having a beer watching the 1st team (according to Sam, Olly should have picked him up, but of course we don't believe him). Never mind, Olly has spare kit and Mike Kirchin volunteered. So far not so good!

Now I never would say that Mike's head is too big but the helmet was too small, so the hero of the hour Jonny Grant (well he would say that as he is writing this match report; double punishment) stepped into the breech and donned the, I can't quite think of the appropriate words, kit which was also gloveless (There's no pleasing some people... - Ed).

We drafted in Richie from the Badgers game to fill the gap and, hooray, the match started.

We were off, and off we went. There was little holding us back. The play was smooth, the passes accurate and then we got the ball. They retrieve it and started headed in the direction of our goal. Well, I've never seen a save like it in my life! The ball hit with vigour and accuracy at the goal, having missed a plethora of defenders, to be saved and cleared by the fantastic skill of the substitute goal keeper (or that's how I remember it), similar in fact to his two remarkable on the line stick stops against Timperley in the match before Christmas (thanks Yokker for not mentioning that in your report!). (Please note that this implies that Jonny sometimes connects his computer to the outside world and has actually read the match report on this website, which as everyone knows is a goddam lie. Someone must've told him about it. - Ed)

Well fortunately for everyone Sam arrived to take the next barrage of attacks, and he let just the one in.

That was it, Southport hardly ever got the ball again. Everyone was a little unsure whether to give the ball to Richie, but the first time they did he scored (honorary Bee possibly, how will he go on at the team dinner? (He's got more chance of pulling than any of us, Jonny - Ed)). Two open goals later, bizarrely including one from Olly, and two excellently executed flicks by Chris Swithenbank meant a fantastic victory and a well deserved beer, well that's this weeks excuse!!

An excellent win, and it was great to have two good (/Pink) umpires, Brian Thompson and Tony Davies.

A public information announcement: After a relentless search by Olly and everyone else, of the astro (in the dark), my car, Mike's car, the car park, etc. you will all be pleased to hear that Yokkers wallet was found in the changing rooms! He dropped it before the game and Tubby put it on the table under on ash tray; well it filled in a bit of time before dinner! I'm feeling thirsty I'll give him a ring!

Jonny

(I feel honour bound to mention that Richie Dawson-Smith(?) is actually only eleven years old. If Jonny has not dwelt on this fact in his match report it's probably 'cos the little bugger is better than all of us & spent the entire game sprinting up and down the pitch screaming for the ball. Now, Sticky occassionally does this too, but only after he has saved up for the necessary amphetamines, so, one has to question the morailty of giving an eleven year old speed. RICHIE'S DAD, WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO SAY FOR YOURSELF???? Of course, he made have that amount of energy normally, but that's not natural. Is it? - Ed)