Bowdon Killer Bees 2 - Bowdon Ladies 1st XI 2

After a string of comfortable victories under our hallowed (and world renown) leader Captain Ollius Marcos Roundus Maximus Shitus Filmcritici Coiferus Erectus the mighty Killer Bees were pitched against the our own Ladies XI. The omens were not looking good - the bookies were offering a pre-match spread re the margin of victory for the Slix Chicks of 4 to 5 goals. Bee goalie, Phil Holder, nervously donned the pads and helmet - a busy day loomed large (not dissimilar to the shadow cast by Olly's girth...allegedly) on the horizon (or better known as the half way line on the Dev).

However, it is at times of need that Captain Ollius etc etc etc comes to the fore. Once the swarm was gathered he then proceeded to deliver another of his infamous heart rending speeches - not dissimilar to those delivered 60 years by one Winston Churchill! The rambling must have gone on for several minutes before the following words were uttered "We must look to be quicker at giving the ball". The obviously missing word of ' away' was quickly added (by one Killer Bee - who should remain nameless - lest he is prised away to be a stand up comic). Suffice to say the call to arms came to an abupt halt as Olly's following lines were drowned out by laughter...

For a contest of such magnitude the Killer Bees made one fatal mistake - not organising the umpires. As a result of this oversight Bee-friendly umpires, Messrs Cheetham & Fleetwood (who I can confirm would never let the supply of copius amounts of alcohol effect their concept of fair play), were absent. In their place was one Brian 'Skippy' Thompson who had been coerced into umpiring duties by the ladies (nuff said of what bribes were being placed in his direction...). (More of a threat than a bribe, if you ask me! - Anon)

And onto the game....which quite frankly I can't remember a whole lot about...because by the end I was completely and utterly knackered/shagged. Suffice to say the first half was generally played inside the Killer Bees half primarily due to the good passing of the girlies (Di Bellin & Sally Ann Kurton in particular.....grrrrrrr.... 'cos I spent most my time running around after them - to no great effect). However, despite all their possession & territorial advantage the gritty Killer Bee defence of (Messrs Mike Kirchin, Captain Ollius etc etc etc and Harry 'The Cat' Weipers - who had an absolute Stormin' Norman of a game) held all the girlies at bay. And so, after 35 minutes of shooting blanks (Yokker's speciality when faced with 11 ladies, I hear - Anon again), half time duely arrived with a scoreline of 0-0.

Robbie 'black hole' Smith then placed the kiss of death on the Bees with the words - "Don't worry, they'll be knackered!". Well.....er.....they weren't. In fact the the second half started just where the first half had been left off - with the girlies pouring forward. Unsurprisingly, and completely against the run of play, the girlie's scored with a shot from Hannah (I think ?) into the right hand corner of the goal from edge of the 'D'. Phil was mortified - beaten at last ! Despite going one up the girlie pressure was relentless and, with 15 minutes to go, another goal went in courtesy of a shot from Jo Baker. I should point out this second goal was as a direct result of a good advantage being played by the umpire - a true Killer Bee umpire would have blown up for the first offence (thereby ensuring that the score remained at 0-1) - obviously Skippy's loyalties, etc lay elsewhere.....um !

It was at this point, that the Killer Bee resilience started to show through and they began to have a bit more (ie that's a little bit more than bugger all!) of the play. A run of half the length of the pitch by Yokker led to a free hit being awarded on the edge of the 'D'. A brief amount of mayhem from the resultant hit led to Fishers getting a shooting opportunity, and didn't he bury it ! From an acute angle the shot went in at the near post like a bullet - the goalie stood motionless. With 5 minutes to go it was game on....

A minute later salvation seemed to be at hand for the Bees as they were presented with a 3 on 1 break away. Luckily for the girlies the man with the ball was Crispin who was quite simply having a nightmare (having got completely blattered the night before). As soon as he got in the 'D' and with the opposition goal looming large he (all to predictably) lost the ball to the last defender - a pass to either man to the left or the right would have almost certainly led to the equalising goal (unless it was... Yokker! - Anon still).

No matter, the stage was set for a last minute flurry in the girlie 'D' where Fishers smacked a shot in (using the side of his stick) to make it 2-2 with only seconds to play. Awesome.

However, there was still sufficient time left for Di Bellin to dribble into Bee territory and, as time expired, win a shortie. ****! A succession of four shorties were subsequently awarded before finally the ball was cleared by an overworked but ultimately stedfast defence and the final whistle blown.

It wasn't necessarily pretty (gritty performances rarely are), but when mixed with a dose of good luck it meant that the Killer Bees had walked away with a fantastic result (ie mugging) in a game which was really fun and enjoyable to play in.

Many thanks to one and all !

Yokker