Bowdon Killer Bees 4 - Sefton 0

LORD OF THE RING

It was a cold, clear day on Saturday 4th January when the battle lines were drawn (as well as some suspicious looking white ones in the changing rooms) between Bowdon's Killer B's and the scally scousers from Sefton.

Recognising the origin of the visitors, it was rumoured that Olly wasn't sure whether to ask for an umpire or a car minder for the 70 minutes of pure wet pitch hockey that was to unfold on the centre court that day. Opting for the former, I stepped up to the breach to see a fine mix of youth, talent and weight attempt to warm up on the frozen pitch. As this was going on, a few players practiced shots at 'the Cat' to see if Santa had brought him a plug for between his pads for Christmas. All was looking good.

On the other side of the pitch the oppo, predictably all wearing track suits were confidently knocking a ball and wondering if they too could get a pitch that good from Carpetworld.

Finally the match started and straight away the diamond formation seemed to be working to good effect with the midfield of Hawkins, Grant, Campbell and Tubby commanding the centre ground. The 'Seffers' occasionally broke through the midfield to find a wall of straight, flat and most of all hacking sticks
to stop their progress. Of notable mention was the flame haired gazelle, Andy Braithwaite (that's what he told me his nick-name was at training), anticipating every move with uncanny accuracy for someone who only picked up a stick recently. With the tireless legs of Johnny and Giles in front of him, the part-time burglars had no chance.

All was going well until the captain shouted out what can only be described as an unusual request ......"where's my ring". As 21 players (and this umpire) wondered how something so huge could go missing, Tubby turned to look and pulled a nerve in his back. Down to 10 men, there was no option than to bring Scowcroft on. Tubby then took on the unenviable task of umpiring whilst looking for the said missing ring.

For some reason (maybe they were looking forward to driving back in Olly's car) the oppo didn't seem bothered about marking the forwards as we drove forward and with about 20 minutes played the ball came to Scowcroft at the edge of the D. With a hit and hope (mostly hope) the ball was struck, nay caressed toward goal and somehow it ended up in the net. 1-0 What followed next can only be described as a superb individual goal. The ball was dug out of defence by Jon 'the Rock' Bray and picked up by the ringless captain. He passed the ball to Scowcroft only to have it sent on in the direction of that greyhound of a winger Dave Phillips. The pitch seemed to thaw in the wake of this fleet footed fella who, as he reached the D at an acute angle, surgically placed the ball to keeper's left and put the home side into a commanding two goal lead for half time.

A stirring team talk followed and the second half started as the first one had finished. Sefton could not cope with the onslaught which was coming at them from every direction. Fortunately for them though, someone had brought a barn door onto the pitch and closed it firmly in front of the centre forward Buckeridge who subsequently couldn't hit it with his banjo (from one centre forward to another, I know how that feels). Still, it's the contribution to the team that counted and speaking of which it was a real team effort that resulted in the third goal which came from another flowing move from the right with a cross to the left post and knocked in by the predatory Giles Sutcliffe.

At this point I must apologise to Gary Campbell for not seeing/remembering your goal. I can only presume it was taken whilst I was watching the Sefton substitutes comparing crowbars or whilst Harry had distracted me with claims that Santa had filled his hole over Christmas! And indeed he had, as when
the final whistle blew, we had a clean sheet and the Killer B's had triumphed to a 4-0 win.

Well done boys, it was a real pleasure.

AS

(A major contender for the Shakespeare Award, surely? I have nothing further to add... - Speechless Ed)